staying sane as a SAHM

I've thought for awhile about creating this post and have kept hesitating, because I often don't feel qualified to write it.  I am slowly, day by day, figuring out how to stay sane, healthy, and happy as a stay-at-home mom.  Some days are rough.  And certainly no day is perfect.  But I do feel like there are a few things I do that help me to not completely lose myself in the day to day craziness.  I hope you might find some of this helpful.  Do feel free to reach out and let me know what things you do to stay mentally and emotionally well as a mama!  Here are a few of mine.

1. Connect with God/Strengthen your faith daily.
I'm not gonna pretend like I have an hour of uninterrupted time with God every day.  In fact, I don't have that ANY day.  Sometimes it might be spending a few minutes on a YouVersion app Bible study plan.  Sometimes it's praying while I'm in the car.  Sometimes it's putting on a worship song and singing after a rough, emotional day.  Even if it's only for a few minutes, stopping and focusing my heart on God always enriches and calms my spirit.

 2. Have a morning routine you feel good about.
I think when we have purpose right from the start of our day, it feels so much better.  My kiddos thrive on structure and on having a plan.  It was strange for me going from working two jobs and taking care of one kid to being at home and taking care of two kids.  I was so used to structured days, and so being at home with no set plans for each day was very foreign at first.  And certainly in Jovie's newborn stage we didn't have much structure, and I think there are seasons for that.  It was a season of survival.  (And some days still feel like that.)  But once we were a few months in, I knew we needed more structure.  A good place to start was how we conducted our mornings.  Almost every morning when the girls wake up, which is typically around the same time, we bring them into our bed and we all snuggle for a few minutes.  I love starting the day this way - in happiness, love, and thankfulness for each other.  Then we have breakfast and we typically all eat together at the table.  We are very blessed that Luke works from home most days and doesn't have to rush off early.

On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, the girls and I go to the gym after breakfast.  They stay in the nursery (they absolutely love it) while I work out.  It's one of my favorite things we do throughout the week because they have fun and meet new friends, and I get 40ish minutes to myself and take care of my body.  Gym days help me feel so great the rest of the day.  When we get home Jovie is usually ready for her morning nap (around 10:00).  Then I will take a quick shower while Allie has a snack and does Reading Eggs on the Ipad or watches some kind of learning show.  Two to three days a week I do a little homeschooling with Allie, which we typically do during Jovie's morning naptime as well.  On Thursdays we try to make it to the library for story hour at 10:00.  Jovie either goes with us or stays home and naps while Luke works in his office.  On Tuesday mornings we usually don't go anywhere, mainly because Tuesday afternoons and evenings are busy with Allie's dance practice and my Bible study group.  On weekends we stay pretty loose with morning routines, other than getting ready and going to church.

I like that our mornings have a little routine, but are still flexible enough to handle curveballs, which happen quite frequently of course... You just never know what kind of excitement and drama a three year old and ten month old will bring from day to day!

3. Do SOMETHING for yourself each day, even if it's small.
I think it's easy to be so swallowed up in taking care of our kids that we forget to take care of ourselves.  Yes, motherhood requires a great deal of selflessness and putting others' needs before our own, but if we continually neglect ourselves, eventually we will snap.  We will break down.  We will fall short of being at our best for our family because we are physically and mentally drained to zero.

For me, doing something for myself might look differently each day, but here are a few examples:
Exercise.
Read a book for pleasure for twenty minutes at the end of the day.
Eat a bowl of ice cream and watch some Netflix while the kids are napping.
Take a NAP while the kids are napping.
Blog/write (or hobby of your choice).
Write a list of things I'm thankful for right now.
Go on a drive to clear my head while the hubs stays home with the kids.
Take a bubble bath.
Call my best friend.

4. Get out of the house.
I am a definite homebody, but my kiddos thrive going places.  And I find that if I suck it up and get out, I typically enjoy being out with them and we are all refreshed after the fact.  Some days we might not get anywhere other than playing out in the yard, but it definitely resolves the cabin fever my three year old gets.  Luke was gone for several days recently, and one night I took the girls to Panera for dinner.  Not only is it our favorite kind of food around, but I find that the atmosphere is perfect for our family... not too overwhelming or busy (if you go at the right times), and cozy.  The girls were happy as clams sitting there eating.  At one point, Allie said, "This is so fun, Mama."  I love that even simple things can be so special and enjoyable for little ones, and so it definitely encourages me to get out and let them experience more.  Something we did probably once a week or so over the summer was take the girls to McDonald's after dinner, get ice cream, and let Allie play on the playground.  Again, such a simple thing, but a total highlight of the week for Allie.

5. Don't be afraid to get stuff done while the kids are around.
My kids are both in very needy stages, each in different ways.  It can be difficult to accomplish anything around the house while they are awake, whether it be housework or blogging or even making a simple phone call.  Allie is constantly talking to me or asking me to do something for or with her.  Jovie is very attached to me right now and can usually be found hanging on to my leg or reaching her arms up wanting to be held.  They rarely go play on their own for very long, even though we try to foster it as much as possible.  Up until just recently I felt guilty at the thought of turning on the tv so that they would be entertained and I could get something done.  I would just allow myself to be restricted to playing with and serving them constantly (not that I don't enjoy playing with them).  As a result, I'd go mad trying to find the time to accomplish my tasks and would exhaust myself doing it all at night after they were in bed or during naps.  Or, stuff wouldn't get done AT ALL.  I finally had to tell myself that it's OKAY to do what I need to do while they are awake and around.  A little extra tv is not going to kill them.  And when I can be more productive when I need to be, I can rest more when I need to and therefore be a better person and mom for my kiddos.  It's also freeing to remove that tension of "when am I ever gonna get this stuff done," which made me feel stressed constantly.  AND, when tasks are getting completed, I can even further enjoy my time with my kids and be more intentional to focus on them and play together.

6. Ask for HELP.
This is a tough one.  But so necessary.  I remember asking for help a lot when I was pregnant with Jovie.  I was so nauseated almost the whole time, making it difficult to chase after my then 18 month old.  Sometimes my mom will drive 4.5 hours from where she lives to come help me for a few days.  It's a struggle to not feel guilty about that.  But I have to remind myself that she WANTS to help me, finds joy in it, and it is ultimately vital for my overall sanity (and for my kids' sanity, too!).

7. Spend time with other moms!
We've GOT to do this thing in community, guys.  Otherwise, we are gonna feel alone and it'd be really HARD without the support of other women who are going through the same things.  I mentioned earlier calling my best friend.  She lives far away but we talk frequently, and we are literally in the same stage as far as motherhood goes.  We both have two girls and they are the same ages.  I always feel refreshed and encouraged after talking with her, even if all we did was share ridiculous stories of what our three-year olds did that day.  Again, it's good to not feel alone.

For a few years now I've been a part of a small Bible study group composed of solely other young moms.  They are a huge source of encouragement and wisdom.  And I have always tried to prioritize this group even when it was inconvenient, because I know how good it is for my soul.  I know that I NEED them.

I love my girls so much.  It is an honor to be entrusted with them.  I make a lot of mistakes, but I pray I'm doing something right each day.  Godspeed to all you other mamas out there.  Hang in there.  Take care of yourself.  And remember to have fun!


All photos by the fantastic Gypsy Ed Photography.