worry

This post might cause an "oh dear, here she goes again talking about her dog and God" eye roll.  Yes, I learn a lot from my dog regarding humans and God, but does it matter how I learn, as long as I'm learning?

Today Sawyer and I took a little trip to see Daddy at his office.  Trips out of the house for Sawyer are rare because he has major anxiety in the car.  It's almost not worth taking him anywhere because he causes us to be stressed out, too.  As a puppy he was calm and cool as a cucumber in the car - he'd sleep the whole time.  But something changed a couple years ago.  Now when we take him anywhere, almost the whole time he whines and breathes fiercely and thinks he needs to continually look out the window to see where we're going.  But he's not satisfied with one window - no, he must frantically switch back and forth between the driver's and passenger's windows.  I try to be firm about making him  sit still, which makes him whine even louder, so sometimes it's just better to let him go.  We finally resorted to crating him when we take long drives.

We noticed the main change after we moved here.  For two months due to certain circumstances he had to stay at Luke's grandmother's, and my theory is perhaps he is always scared in the car that we are taking him there again and leaving for a long time.  He is not a fan of being left anywhere.  He's kinda snobbish about his mom and dad.  He wants them and no one else.

So anywho, today's trip was full of doggie anxiety as usual, and it got me reflecting on worry.  Clearly when Sawyer travels he is very worried about something.  And as many times as he has been in a car and gone through this, I think, "Doesn't he know that worrying is not ever going to help?... That it will never change the outcome of anything?"

And then in an epiphanic moment like always, conviction hit and surged through me.  How much do I worry?  A lot.  A whole lot.  I worry like it's my job.  And how often has God whispered to me, "My child, why worry?  It won't help.  Be anxious about nothing and you'll live much more peacefully," but I didn't hear Him through the pounding of my worked up, ridiculously anxious heart.

I wonder in awe at how much more peaceful my spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional life would be if I truly embraced this truth.  In a season of life where my husband and I are often anxious about what's next and continually wondering what God has in store, I'm trying to learn to let it go.  Just let it go.  Leave it up to Him.  I mean come on, would I really want to be in control of my life?  Would I do it better than God can and will?  Of course not.

Be still, my heart.

I'm learning.


"Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you being anxious can add a single hour to his life?" Matt. 6:26-27

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself." Matt. 6:34

"Peace I live with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you." John 14:27