Think twice before going nude

Yesterday my office mate saw a tweet that read, "When you're in the shower and you hear loud thumps and you think, 'They're killing my family and I'll have to fight the attacker naked.'"

I thought I would pee in my pants from laughing so hard. The thing is, it's the truth. I've had similar thoughts about sleeping in the nude. While I am not one to do it on a consistent basis, sometimes I like to. (Insert shocked faces and giddy laughter.) I think, "This place is gonna catch on fire and I'll end up standing naked in the front yard. The neighbors will look over and the fire department will arrive and think this is some kind of freak show..." or "Someone's gonna break in and I'll have to scare them away with my flat chest and man-ish feet. The neighbor will see me through the window swatting at the burglar with an umbrella while in the nude and call the police to report a freak show..." or "I'm gonna have to sneak out the window and hide in the trees naked and the rabbits and squirrels will give me judgemental looks. Then I'll signal for Sawyer to attack them and show them why you shouldn't judge people. The police will arrive and see a naked woman, slain woodland creatures, and a four-pound yorkie with fur in his teeth..."

Oh, the things that keep us up at night...