I do what I hate
Sometimes I notice that I mirror people, and it's not always a good thing. Let me explain.
The other day I was with someone in my life who I've known and loved for years. She is a wonderful person, but tends to be on the negative, complaining side. It didn't hit me until afterwards that when I was with her, I was a bit more negative than usual. It wasn't that I was intentionally trying to be like her and not be myself; it's that a certain side of me was brought out during that portion of time. And the more I thought about it, the more I didn't like it.
It wasn't the first time I noticed it happening. And sometimes, it's a good thing. I have a friend who is extremely peaceful in spirit, and I LOVE being around her, because it rubs off and my spirit, too, is more at peace. I feel like I'm a peaceful person anyway, it's just that certain people bring it out in me.
Perhaps it's a natural thing to adjust to people's varying personality styles. But, there's something about it that really bothers me. Idealy, I would love for my truest, best, genuine self to shine at all times, with all people. I want them to know God's love and to see it in me. My mom is one of few people I know who pretty much acts the same around everyone and every situation. She never holds back her joy in Christ, and she is never ashamed of her outgoing, bubbly, generous personality. If you asked anyone in her life about her, whether a close family member or a vague aquaintance, they'd probably all describe her in the same way.
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate, I do." - Romans 7:15
Paul expresses his frustration in his sinful tendancies to do the exact opposite of what he wants and hopes to do. That's how I feel about this issue. I go into a situation with good intentions and come to find that I act the exact opposite of what I'd "planned."
First of all, I must realize this is a lifelong process of growth and transformation. I must realize it takes daily prayer and discipline to slowly became the person God desires me to be, the person I am desperate to be...
"Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." - Romans 12:2
Hey Jenn! Just wanted to offer a word of encouragement to you on here. I actually had a similar conversation with your husband the other day about the same thing. I tend to do the same thing; there sometimes seem to be different "me's" that appear depending on who I am hanging out with. Mostly I find though, that I am not changing who I essentially am, just altering my behavior a bit so as to not offend someone unnecessarily. It might be that it is a bit hypocritical, but when I was talking to Luke, 1 Corinthians 9:22 came to mind: "When I am with those who are weak, I share their weakness, for I want to bring the weak to Christ. Yes, I try to find common ground with everyone, doing everything I can to save some."(NLT) I take this to mean that while we shouldn't completely change who we are depending on who we are around, we should attempt to form relationships with all kinds of people, because God loves them all. Part of that is making it easy for them to hang around you. Now, I'm not saying that letting another person's negativity rub off on you is a good thing; I just wouldn't beat yourself up too much about it. It could be that God gives us the natural tendency to "be all things to all people" to facilitate the sharing of the gospel.
ReplyDeleteJust something to think about! :)
And while I'm at it, I should tell you that every time I'm around you, you inspire me to be a better person. And I think that is what being salt and light is all about.
Much love in Him,
Lydia
Love your candor, Jennifer.
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