we have a daughter

Allie Grace Woodward, born September 17, 2015

Daughter.

We have a daughter.

Those words are shocking, amazing, wonderful, surreal...

What started as a typical Thursday last week ended with us bringing home a baby.  Yes, it was that quick.  We didn't see it coming.  I had been to work that day and come home.  I had done a few things around the house, baked some cookies that I planned to bring to school the next day and share with teachers (sorry, teachers, they never made it!).  Luke was in Paducah at a meeting.  At around 3:30, my phone rang and I saw it was our adoption lawyer.  I could feel my pulse quicken as I answered.  He said, "Well, do you still want to adopt a baby?"  I chuckled nervously and said, "Yes."  Then he told me there was a birth mom sitting in his office with her two week old baby girl, and she wanted us to have her.  (She had looked at the pool of profile books of adoptive families and picked us.)  He followed that with, "So, how soon can you get here?"

It's hard to explain what was happening inside me as I heard his words.  I remember I began trembling and breathing really fast, and my mind was racing to so many thoughts that I could hardly form one coherent one.  I think I said, "Oh my gosh" a couple times.  He asked if I had a car seat.  Oh goodness, NO, I didn't.  He then told me that the birth mom would give me hers.  And after a few seconds of deep breaths I said, "I'm on my way."

On my way out the door I frantically called Luke and he didn't answer.  I left a voicemail and then texted him "Call me ASAP."  A few minutes later he called back.  I explained the situation through my shaky voice and probably didn't make a whole lot of sense, but somehow he understood that he needed to drop what he was doing and make his way to our lawyer's office.  I also called my mom and asked her to pray.  I then prayed myself and used the remainder of the drive to focus on attempting to calm down my shaky hands and short breaths.

I arrived at the office before Luke and walked in, holding my breath.  There was a woman (the birth mom) holding a tiny baby, and another woman (the birth mom's foster mother) next to her.  The baby had a dark complexion, dark hair, and the cutest little features.  I'm not really sure what I said first, but probably some sort of greeting, and then "Wow, she's beautiful."  The birth mom had tears in her eyes as she explained that she felt she just wasn't meant to be a mother, and that she knew that Luke and I were supposed to be her baby's parents.  I knew almost immediately by the way she spoke and the way she looked at her child that she loved her and she wanted what was best for her.  She said she knew during her pregnancy that she would need to give her up, but some people tried to convince her to keep the baby, so she prolonged her decision.  Luke arrived a few minutes in and joined the conversation.

I asked the birth mother (whose name I am protecting), "Out of curiosity, why did you pick us?"  She replied, "Because of your faith and your love for music.  I want her to grow up with that."

I cannot adequately explain it, but as this mother continued talking to me, a peace came over me.  She was so confident that we were her child's parents.  She was kind and wise.  She spoke with love in her voice.  It was as though God was using her in that moment to show us that this was indeed our child.  This woman was an angel.

Some quick fun facts... Allie's birth mom is African American and her father is Caucasian.  While we did not meet the father, the mother informed us he is 6'4".  Lordy mercy we might have a ball player on our hands!  I say, bring it on!!!
Allie's fingers are long.  I say, piano player! (and bball)
Allie's birth mom loves to sing.  (Do you see how with every detail we found out we were more and more convinced that this was our child?)

Ok back to the scene.  She handed me the baby.  They had fixed a bottle and I fed her.  The foster mother went out to the car with Luke to help him install the carseat.  (My gosh, this is really happening.)  When she came back in, she and the birth mom were ready to leave.  We prayed for the birth mother together and then I gave her a long hug.  What a moment THAT was... How on earth do you say 'thank you' to the person who is giving you her child?

So we got the call at 3:30, and by 5:45 we were walking out of the office with a new baby.  WHAAAAT?!?!?

We actually didn't go home first.  We have worship team practice on Thursdays at 6:30, and for some insane reason I allowed Luke to convince me to not cancel it.  So, we took Allie to church with us.  I wish we had a video of the looks on the team's faces when we walked in with her car seat and said, "Well, here's our daughter."  Our drummer's wife (also our nursery coordinator) was there and she held Allie while we practiced.  Hey, this girl had to be acclimated to loud worship music at some point, why not the first night?  We wrapped up quickly so that we could take Allie home.  Oh, at this point, she wasn't yet "Allie."  She was still Baby Girl Woodward.  Since this happened so suddenly, we had not yet decided on a name.

Meanwhile my wonderful friend Roxanne had made a Wal-Mart run and brought us some essentials.  We already had a crib set up thanks to my brother and sister-in-law.  But no diapers, formula, etc.  Between Rox and some family members that night, we ended up having everything we needed.  (These are the moments you realize how loved you are and how utterly generous and wonderful and thoughtful the people in your life are... That they're all pulling for you.  They've got your back.)

The first night was rough for me, not because of anything Allie did, but because I could not sleep due to my heart beating out of my chest and my anxiety and shock over the fact that in the next room I had a sleeping baby girl.  (Of course, Luke slept fine, as all men do.)  What a whirlwind of a day it had been!  I'm pretty sure at this point we were both still in disbelief, but at the same time, on cloud nine.

For a couple days we stewed on names.  Luke is not very opinionated in this matter (making it both easy and difficult).  In one moment out of the blue he said, "What about Allie?"  I stopped short and looked at him because I have loved that name for as long as I can remember.  No joke.  There are other names I've liked for a season but not continuously, but I've always liked Allie.  We looked up the meaning of the name, and one meaning of Allie is "harmony."  We liked the idea of the name being musical or something connected to music.  I brought up "Grace" as a potential middle name, first and foremost because of the meaning of the word.  In Christian belief, grace is the free and unmerited favor of God.  We pray Allie will one day understand that God offers her His grace out of His unconditional love for her, just as we will forever love her unconditionally, too!  Her middle name is also extra special because her cousin's (my brother's oldest daughter) name is Grace!

She has been with us one week tomorrow, and I have fallen more and more in love with my sweet baby as each moment passes.  I look at her with a grateful heart and with awe-filled eyes and I know without a doubt, she was meant to be mine.  I know that I am now and forever her mother.

Sweet, precious Allie.  You were worth the wait.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.